a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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