i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
