I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we should paint friendship bongs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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