i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
