Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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