i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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