The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
