I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
