i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
