paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
