also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
