her vagine was all disorganized.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
