erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
