the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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