I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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