I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I faked an abortion last night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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