im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
