Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
