I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
