I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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