I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
