U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
