I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
