not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
