I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
