Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
