I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
