i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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