Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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