i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
