Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
