I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
