Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
