Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
