i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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