Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
