Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
