I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
