i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
