you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
