Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will pee on everything he values.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
