I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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