Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
