i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
