well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
