dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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