i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
