I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
