The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
