Pants 0. Shit 1.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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