Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
