In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
