I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
