i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
