If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
