there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i came on her dog
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
