I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
